....eight months ago my husband left for drugs ... every day I wander was I not good enough am I not pretty am I attractive at all
You are amazing yet when someone wants drugs more then you. It's their lost sweetie not yours. Stay strong and keep moving forward all you need is the Lord and you, the rest will come as it may.
Are the 3 kids in you pics yalls?
Addiction is one of the worst diseases, so much guilt and pain and destruction and it all SEEMS so avoidable. There's a comedy act out there maybe by Mitch Hedberg where he makes a joke about how we get mad at an alcoholic for drinking but we don't get mad at a guy with lupus for having lupus.
Knowing this doesn't make the pain or the anger or the guilt go away though. Addiction's a very destructive thing but you know what, you're not alone.
Look into support groups in your area. I know that al-anon is very helpful for people just like yourself to find people who know exactly what you're going through, come to a deeper understanding of yourself and the addict/addiction, and to finally build/find a place of peace you can move on from.
What kind of drugs?
Brandi you said it yourself..."my husband left for drugs" he didnt leave for anyone else or anything you did or didnt do. He left for drugs and hes an addict, which sucks because maybe you still love him and want to help (seems like maybe you even blame yourself). But this one he has to come to grips with himself. If you can, let go and focus on your little ones. You gotta be there for them because he cant. Do your workouts for you. Do them for your kids and maybe someday he gets sober and realizes all that he missed. At that point you can decide if you want him back in you or yor kids life. But for now know that it isnt you, hug your kids, and enjoy every minute of their childhood!
When I was 3 my father chose a job that paid him in booze instead of money to buy milk for my baby sister... he also chose drugs over us so my mom kicked him out ... he visited for a little while before he moved far away and then we only heard from him once every 4 or 5 years (mostly it was us trying to get in touch). His actions never hit him until he got sick and his only option was quit our die tomorrow, and even at that I think he was finally just tired of it cause he was getting old. By then he realized what he gave up and tried to make things right, he called my mom and said he was sorry he messed up and she was the best thing that ever happened to him and he loved her but he made some bad choices. He started calling my sister and I at least twice a month sometimes more and for the first time since I was 4 we saw him in person and spent a weekend with him and two months later he died alone in his home and no one knew for 16 days. This may sound morbid but I thank God everyday that he woke up from his addictions because so many out there don't. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that he was to weak to say no the first time he tried it. There is nothing you could have done to change that for him. The best thing you can do for yourself and your babies is show them what a strong person looks like, never speak badly about their dad if they could possibly hear it and most importantly pray that he doesn't wait till it is to late to be a positive post of their lives.
I've been down that path before. Dont blame yourself when I was in my addiction I gave up everything just for drugs. I abandoned my family and friends. There is nothing anyone can do in those cases. Its up to him to pull out of it. Stay strong and keep him in your prayers that's the best you can do. And most importantly remember its not your fault at all.