Joke Page

126 posts | Original | Recent
 
Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 4:39pm
via Android

I need a good laugh..

08 Jul
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, while her dad gets a haircut, eating her snake cake. The barber say "Sweetheart" you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie! She says, "I know. I'm gonna get boobs too" Lol
08 Jul
Haha lol
15 Jul
A bear and rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says "do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no. So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
28 Aug
This a working out app -_-
28 Aug
Yeah and this workout ap has a forum titled hodge podge "for talking about anything other than diet and exercise." I recommend that you forum by your section of choice rather than the active topics if you don't like what we are doing here.
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 5:53pm

I got one for you, Grace. Then I got to get ready for the gym...



Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."
  •  

08 Jul
Hahahaha good one
08 Jul
12 Jul
haha perfect one man
23 Jul
23 Jul
What......
Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 6:01pm
via Android

That was a good one Mario (: I had a good laugh Thanks

Image_thumb
347 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 7:19pm

heres one i heard recently,

Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in thier castles and how much thier wives respect them. The third guy remain quiet.

Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks,"What about you? do you rule your roost?"

The quiet guy says,"Well,just the other night,my wife came to me on her hands an knees."

What happened then?",they ask immediately.

She said,"Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

08 Jul
LOLLLL
08 Jul
2 funny
17 Jan
Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 7:27pm
via Android

Haha

Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 7:51pm
via Android

Okay that is hilarious Nick (:

Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 8, 2013 8:37pm
via Android

Ha

Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 9, 2013 10:07am

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it...

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

"That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"

"Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!"

 

 
Image_thumb
61 Posts
Jul 9, 2013 4:27pm
via Android

Haha

Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 9, 2013 10:00pm

It's the wife's birthday

Husband: Honey, I'm sorry i forgot your birthday.

Wife: Ok, well if you really love me, you will bring me something that will go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds.

The husband says ok...

The next day

Wife: Where's my present?

Husband: It's in the driveway.

Wife is excited...

She runs out there, looks at the driveway and finds... a weight scale.

14 Dec
Hahahahuh?
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 10, 2013 4:46am

I'm gonna post a few more... Laughter is great for our health... Mind, body, soul.

Heeere we go...

A woman speeds by a motorcycle cop holding a radar gun...

He pulls her over and asks, “What’s the rush?”

She replies, “I’m on my way to assist in an emergency procedure at the hospital.”

The cop asks what she does in the ER.

“I’m an asshole stretcher,” she says.

The cop scratches his head.

She explains, “You see, I prep the patient by taking one finger at a time to slowly stretch the asshole till my hands have made the patient’s asshole a full six feet open."

Looking at the woman in shock, he inquires, “What do you do with a six-foot asshole?”

The lady says, “Usually we give it a badge and a radar gun.”

Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 11, 2013 7:36am
via iOS
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 
17 Jan
I know right lol
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 12, 2013 11:18am
via iOS

I was talking to a new acquaintance at a dinner party, and the conversation got around to unemployment...

 "You know, it's really sad," she said, "when so many people are out of work, and here I am living off the fat of the land." 

"How do you manage that?" I asked. 

She lowered her voice to a confidential whisper, and replied, "I'm an aerobics instructor."


26 Jul
22 Oct
That's a good one
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 12, 2013 8:21pm
via iOS
A blind man was describing his favorite sport... parachuting. 

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." 

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. 

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. 

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. 

He quickly answered "Oh..... the dog's leash goes slack."
Image_thumb
27 Posts
Jul 12, 2013 8:37pm
via iOS
Lol
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 15, 2013 4:14am
via iOS

Joe took his blind date to the carnival... 

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. 

They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read 117, so she won a prize.

The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. 

When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked "where to next...?"

 "I want to get weighed," she responded.

Joe decided Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake...

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."


15 Jul
I dont get it xd
15 Jul
You don't get it, Rappa D??? She's got a speech impediment... Man, I'm not gonna explain the joke to ya'.
15 Jul
Yea that part i got hehe. Coudnt figure out if she wanted to say something different than weighed but coudnt cuz of her speaking problem. Or that she said she wanted to get weighed because she knew she coudnt pronounce anything else.
15 Jul
Nah, D... "Laura, it was lousy, I just wanted to get layed...". But she can't say it like that 'cause she's tongue heavy...
15 Jul
Boy, you know how to kill a joke, Rappa D. Lol
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 15, 2013 6:40pm
via iOS
 A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over...

He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

 He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license now!"

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
 
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
25 Jul
I heard that joke in elementary school!
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 21, 2013 10:10am
via iOS
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Pettry amzanig huh? 
24 Jul
Even I understood it whose English isn't primal language. Lol
14 Dec
#SameHereDawg #OrGurl
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 23, 2013 8:36pm
via iOS
"i just might fade into Bolivian" ~ MIKE TYSON
Image_thumb
64 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 12:06am
via Android

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because 789. :)

Image_thumb
12 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 1:32am
via Android

There was three man stuck on an island one day walking on th beach the men came across a lamp in tha sand thy we're surprised they picked it up on the lamp it read rub me three times in il grant you three wishes the men were happy so the fist man rub the lamp and it read tell me your wish an it shel be done so the man said I'd like to go home to my wife I miss her so much I love her and the lamp read your wish has been granted then poff! the man disrepairde? tha second man grab the lamp and rub it and he said I'd like to go home to my wife I love her and miss her so much then poff! he too disrepairde? Last man picks up the lamp looks around see no one but him left on the island he starts to rub the lamp crying the lamp read tell me your wish and it shel be granted the man boiling his eyes out crying says Im all alone on the island I miss my friends I wish for my friends back!!

24 Jul
That one is a classic
29 Jul
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 9:43am
via iOS
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. 

They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." 

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday....

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did. 

"I got 17 people to get off drugs.'' says the first guy. 

"Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge...

''I used circles... I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs!!!"

''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.'' 

''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge. 

''Well, I used circles too... I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...''
24 Jul
Krak me off hard!!
29 Jul
Lol , nice joke :-)
15 Sep
I can't stop laughing
Img_5448_thumb
376 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 7:47pm
via iOS
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work." 

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that." 

Two hours later, Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
29 Jul
o_O :-P hahah
Icon_missing_thumb
50 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 8:04pm
via iOS
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender...
24 Jul
Hahahahaa! That's a good spin on that joke, Eric.
Icon_missing_thumb
80 Posts
Jul 24, 2013 8:51pm
via Android

Look at my face. Either you'll laugh or cry.

 

Reply


Workout_trainer_icon Workout_trainer_logo_184x72

Follow along workouts & programs on your phone or tablet.

Wt_iphone_featured_68x134 Wt_ipad_do_workout_171x134

Download_app_store_ios Download_google_play_android_172x51